Love and Submit (Part II)

Remember I blogged about "Love and Submit" on 30 Jun about an article written by a lady called Frances? Apparently many ladies wrote in to TODAY, some to support but many to voice their objections at Frances' commentary. Frances maintained her stand by writing in to TODAY again. I have appended it here.

Today
July 5, 2005

I WAS chastised by reader Eunice Lim ("Obedience or subservience?", July 2, 2005) for having my judgment "clouded" by my grandfather's "obsolete concept of family values". "Two generations, one Women's Charter, and numerous amendments later, they no longer deserve any place in society", she asserted.

In Singapore, the divorce rate is rising. There are more single, highly educated women now than two generations ago. A growing number of Singaporean men prefer to marry women from Vietnam and China.

While there are many factors contributing to this situation, one reason could be that, with education, women are now less willing to work at a marriage when they encounter problems. Financially independent, it is much easier for them to throw in the towel.

I believe that more women are walking out of marriages nowadays because they have lost that feminine touch. In the past, women accepted that they were feminine. Being feminine does not make one weak.

With the feminist movement and the demand for equal rights, many women have the misconception that to be a modern woman, one has to behave like a man.

It is right to fight for equal rights at work. But if we behave the same way at home as in the workplace, then our husband might as well marry his male co-worker.

Twelve years ago, as I was climbing the corporate ladder, I began to neglect my husband. One day, my husband sat me down and told me that if I did not do anything about our marriage, it would be tough for him to resist temptation. Other women were beginning to show an interest in him.

My husband gently reminded me that I was a wife first, then a mother, and finally a career woman. If he had wanted a woman to keep house and feed his children, he would have married a maid.

That was a wake-up call for me. I re-examined my role in the marriage. Did I spend too much time on my projects and with my colleagues? When was the last time we had a date and laughed together? Did I not neglect my wifely duty in the bedroom, giving him the excuse that I am too tired and stressed? Instead of wanting to transform him, I re-assessed my priorities and values.

We began to spend more time together. Today, we still take a one-hour walk every day to recharge and refocus on each other.

Judging from readers' responses to my article, "To love is to obey" (June 28), I surmise that in today's world, obedience has become an unacceptable concept. Women view obedience as a sign of weakness. Perhaps it is time for us women to re-examine my grandfather's "obsolete" values and rediscover our feminine side.

These few articles set me thinking. Is it true that our Singaporean women have lost their feminism, or it is related to other problems? Think of it this way. More and more women are more educated and in the work force. There are also more and more maids in our homes. Divorce rates are going up. Many Singaporean men are unemployed. Foreign talents are all over. Do you see a trend here? Are all these related in any way?

Many women nowadays have moved away from their traditional roles and taken more responsibilities in the work force which were formerly dominated by men. Our children are now taken care of by maids. Family values seem to have eroded. Most of our young women cannot cook today, and they want equality, privileges and Women's Charter all at the same time. Sweeping statements? I know most of you out there may not agree with what I say and want to bash me. I must say that I tend to agree with Frances, not because I am a guy, but because I believe Frances subscribed to the following:

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

Of course the husbands are not free of responsibilities.

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

There are many other clear verses in the Bible teaching us about how husbands and wives should treat each other. I believe that if more men and women, Christians included, follow these basic principles, things will really be better.